Week of 9.27-10.4

These are thoughts generally pertaining to existence I have had in the past few days.

I cannot find anything that necessitates my existence, that is to say I cannot find anything I need in order to continue existing. Even base needs like foods I do not sense are really needs; my existence is not coterminous with my consumption of food. There is something more something that engenders my existence that acts as not only a fuel but an encapsulating and equally internal eternity that moves in/around/through an existence that is often untouched by the realities of my life, though when there is a connection it is life, unavoidably true life. This essence can not be categorized or questioned. It is selfish in that it only pertains to itself; incomparable. As mentioned above there are connection point between this and the rest of understood reality, but even in these connections there is something wholly other about it.

I am glad to feel that there is something indefinable out there, that whispers and fades that bursts forth and flickers, something perfectly in-understood. It tells me I don't know all things; that my imagination and thought are too small for reality, and that I must continue searching and asking questions in places we feel so certain don't exist.